


even if the sky does fall

by 99yeon



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-10-28 02:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99yeon/pseuds/99yeon
Summary: Stay alive.





	1. ricochet

**Author's Note:**

> the zombie apocalypse au you didn't ask for!!!

"You're a hero!" Sana cries out, wrapping Dahyun in a tight hug. Her arms come around Dahyun, pat her on the back reassuringly, warm and tight and everything that Sana has always been.

 

Sana sounds like she's in love with her.

 

 _She is,_ Dahyun can almost hear Mina's quiet insistence ringing out.

 

Dahyun feels like she's melting. She can only muster a weak smile, gently untangling Sana's arms from around her. Her medical supplies are still lying on the table unattended, the scalpel glittering with blood in a way that Dahyun knows is entirely unsanitary and honour code-violating.

 

She knows she should care. It's a travesty, the sight of soiled instruments, covered in blood and grime.

 

"I'm not anyone's hero, Sana."

 

/

 

How Momo came to join them is a tale of danger and recklessness, mostly on Momo's part.

 

She doesn't think about it much, but her right leg still falters sometimes, when Nayeon and Chaeyoung are running ahead and Nayeon turns back to jeer at her to keep up, they might lap her if she doesn't run faster. Chaeyoung might get to the walkers before Momo even has time to catch her breath.

 

The weakening of her leg - it doesn't happen much, but it happens enough for Nayeon to know when she's not in the mood for jokes and races. It's a stark reminder of the only thing that's holding her back, the only thing she can't salvage.

 

Figures. Figures that she'd be able to wield a pistol with scary accuracy and explode walkers with one pull of the trigger, but still trip because her right leg weakens periodically, as if to remind her that no matter how hard she tries, she'll never have what she wants.

 

"You're not weak," Nayeon murmurs, rubbing her thumb over the hard shell of Momo's fist. Chaeyoung's on the rooftop with Tzuyu, Nayeon having sent her away after Momo had slowed down on their daily run around the compound, fallen behind with the look Nayeon has grown to recognize.

 

They have responsibilities - Tzuyu's mentioned a horde due to appear in a day or two, and they have to get to work on reinforcing defence soon, but Momo is plagued with a disabling sort of weakness, one that forces her to ignore her responsibilities and sink into a pit of self-pity.

 

Nayeon is saying something else now, her hand coming ever-so-close to Momo's leg. Momo feels the warmth coming, and she can't help it-

 

She jerks away at the last moment, bumping into Nayeon's wandering hand with her leg. Nayeon's all apologies within a moment, saying how she shouldn't have, how she _knows_ Momo is still sensitive there and how uncomfortable she is with being touched there and she's really _so_ sorry.

 

"No," Momo sighs, shaking her head, "It's not you. I'm not some porcelain doll, you don't have to apologize."

 

Nayeon holds her gaze for a good few seconds, silent and analytical, and Momo feels herself shrinking away from the older girl. Nayeon is good at reading people, but she's never subtle about it, and it results in Momo being on edge around her when she gets that glint in her eye. She knows what to say to make Momo feel better, and it's sad that this knowledge doesn't stop Momo from feeling better around Nayeon.

 

It's always been like this.  


"I know how awful you feel about it," Nayeon sympathises quietly, "But think about what good may have arisen from it." She senses Momo's abrupt shift, speaks quickly so that she can't be interrupted and misconstrued (Momo is this close to shouting at her for suggesting that this is a good thing). "What if-"  
  
"No good came from having my leg mangled," Momo growls, tears springing to her eyes as she fists the fabric of Nayeon's shirt, dragging her up to eye level with her on the couch.

 

If she hadn't stepped into that bear trap, her leg would still be working. She'd be able to run at normal speeds without her leg giving out beneath her. She wouldn't have that god-awful scar tracing the length of her shin, like some furious brand that refuses to be forgotten.

 

A small part of Momo reminds her that if she hadn't stepped in that bear trap, Sana wouldn't have found her, and she wouldn't have met the dysfunctional group of people she considers home in this apocalyptic wasteland. She wouldn't have met Jihyo, whose soft demeanor makes Momo feel right at home, or Chaeyoung, who fights and hunts like a lion but has the personality of a cub, or-- or Nayeon.

 

Nayeon sighs into her mouth when Momo drags her in close, her hands looping around Momo, fingers brushing against the back of Momo's neck. It's soft enough for it not to hurt, but hard enough for Momo to understand what Nayeon wants.

 

It's her. It's always been her.

 

Nayeon's tongue is in her mouth before she can blink, and Momo lets out a decadent groan into Nayeon's mouth, clenching her thighs together as Nayeon presses her down into the couch. She feels like she's molding into Nayeon's rough grasp, a doll whose strings Nayeon holds.

 

She hears the door swinging open, a guffaw, and absently wonders who would dare to interrupt Nayeon.

 

"Go get it, Nabongs!" Jeongyeon's clapping, and Momo wants to die.

 

Nayeon's eyes flash before she gets off Momo, pulling her up gently to sit her upright. Momo's back aches with the memory of being pressed down into the couch, but Nayeon doesn't look like she wants to acknowledge it right now.

 

The look she gives Momo is almost one of surprise, as if she's taken aback by her own want. Momo doesn't blame her.

 

"Yoo Jeongyeon," Nayeon growls. "This better be important."  


Jeongyeon looks at Momo for a long moment, gaze dropping to Momo's conspicuously swollen lips before she laughs. "Sure. Bet I was interrupting a lot."

 

"You were."

 

"Your sex life aside," Jeongyeon says dismissively, before her expression changes to become much more serious. "There's something important going on."  


Nayeon is not a patient woman. "Well?"

 

"I don't want to get your hopes up too high," Jeongyeon says, wringing her hands. "I've told Chaeng already, and she's fine with it. She says you all can set out tomorrow. But you have to know that this isn't a sure thing. It's just an experiment, of sorts, I guess."

 

"Well?" Nayeon repeats.

 

Jeongyeon's eyes bear a burden Momo feels compelled to bear.

 

"Dahyun thinks-- Dahyun thinks she can create the cure."

 

/

 

Jihyo's sleeping when Sana bursts into her room shouting about a cure.

 

Not just _a_ cure, mind you - _the_ cure, Sana corrects. With the importance she's putting on it, it becomes The Cure, something big and flashy enough to satiate Sana's love for big and flashy things. Sana is all about appearances, about entrances, about conveying the least possible information in the biggest possible way.

 

So it really shouldn't shock Jihyo when she comes crashing into Jihyo's quarters. It's the middle of the night, but Sana looks like she's forgotten the concept of time and a fitful rest.

 

"Dahyun did it!"

 

Sana's off on another burst of words before Jihyo can blink herself awake, or even ask _what_ Dahyun did that was so important. As she sobers up, the sleep fading from her eyes, she hears words like _cure_ , _walkers_ , _infection_ , _Chaeyoung_ , and mostly _Dahyun, Dahyun, Dahyun._

 

She almost laughs at how in love Sana is with Dahyun. The well-mannered medical student caught Sana's eye from the day Sana brought her into their camp - Sana is an extrovert through and through, and is on good terms with everyone, but there was something different about the way she interacted with Dahyun from the very start. _Love at first sight,_ Sana joked once. Sana is enamoured with the girl, and could wax lyrical about any feature of Dahyun for _days_. (Don't take her up on that offer.)

 

Jihyo's tempted not to take Sana seriously, for the first minute or so, before she realizes that Dahyun might actually have the cure.

 

"Momo, Nayeon and Chaeyoung leave at dawn to get stuff we need," Sana says. "Dahyun thinks that we might need a walker's corpse to work with, so they're going to bring a few back."

 

Jihyo raises her eyebrows, immediately thinking of the various dangers that would entail. She's still not over that one time Jeongyeon had the smallest of scratches on her arm from a walker, and how worried they had all been, how Nayeon had stayed by Jeongyeon's side for three days and two nights, the gesture of friendship weakened by the shotgun not-so-inconspicuously at the ready in case Jeongyeon had a sudden and violent turn. Nothing came of it, thank goodness, and even the normally grim-faced Tzuyu had smiled in relief when Dahyun declared the incubation period over.

 

Since then, Jihyo's become a lot more wary of coming into contact with the walkers. She would rather die than see anyone get hurt or get turned, doomed to walk the earth as a shuffling corpse for the rest of eternity. It's a horrible fate, and Jihyo didn't need it to happen once before she got the message to keep all of them safe.

 

Which is why she's doubtful of Sana now, and the safety that the people sent out will exercise. Nayeon is less reckless than Jeongyeon, but she gets overconfident, and Jihyo's heart drops at the thought of Nayeon becoming too cocky and getting scratched by a walker.

 

"Is there a safer way to get the cure? Do we absolutely _need_ walkers?" Jihyo asks anxiously.

 

Sana frowns, "I think so. I'm sure they'll be careful. You know Chaeng. She'll screw Momoring and Nabongs' heads on tight for them."

 

Jihyo laughs quietly, but the bubble of anxiety in her stomach doesn't fade. It's not that she doesn't trust Chaeyoung, but rather that _anything_ could happen. She doesn't want to leave anything up to chance. They'd been this confident that time with Jeongyeon, and look what happened.

 

Sana is pressing into her side, chin resting on her shoulder. Her voice is honey sweet, and Jihyo can feel her gentle eyes sinking into the side of her face.

 

"Promise me you won't worry," Sana murmurs, and Jihyo shivers. The honey in Sana's voice is silky smooth, sickly sweet, and it washes over Jihyo, intoxicates her.

 

"You know I can't not worry," Jihyo sighs. She really can't, and Sana knows. "I just wish we wouldn't have to endanger each other so often. I just want all of you to be _safe_."

 

"Jihyo," Sana says again.

 

/

 

"You don't get it," Chaeyoung moans, burying her face into Momo's shoulder, "She won't talk to me!"  
  
"She won't talk to _anyone_ ," Momo points out. "I don't think it's you."

 

"I'm the closest to her in age! I should be close to her, right? Isn't it weird if same-age friends aren't close? Look at Jeongyeon and Mina unnie, they're-"

 

"Dating," comes Momo's soft voice, quiet but insistent. She pats Chaeyoung on the back awkwardly, but in a way that Chaeyoung knows is meant to be comforting. "It's just how our Tzuyu is, she doesn't hate you or anything."

 

Chaeyoung makes the mistake of catching Nayeon's eye, because the oldest girl is smirking into her cup of water, having given Chaeyoung the subtlest of winks.

 

Damn it. She knows what's up.

 

Momo looks adorably affronted, eyebrows furrowing, "Chaeyoung-"  
  
"Don't waste your breath, Momo," Nayeon assures, still speaking into her cup, "Chaeng's just upset about this because-"  
  
"Screw off," Chaeyoung grumbles, and judging from the expression on Momo's face, it looks like she's beginning to piece everything together, her mouth forming a comical 'O' shape.

 

"I never knew she was your type!" Momo exclaims, hair flopping over her right eye in excitement. Chaeyoung grinds her teeth and shoots Nayeon a glare, to which her friend simply grins.

 

"Well, she is, so help me out."

 

"This changes everything," Momo declares boldly.

 

/

 

Mina doesn't like the feeling of being unprepared. Being unprepared is a weakness, and she hates leaving anything up to fate. It's too risky, too close to call for her. Her meticulous attitude led to most people she met disliking her in the past, but that's all over now. She's more liked now, or at least, she'd like to think so. Her attitude, no matter how irking, has saved all of their lives at least once. This is her new life.

 

She hates her new life.

 

"Pass me a hammer," Jeongyeon says, smiling briefly when Mina digs in the toolbox for a hammer to give her. They're working on barricading the windows, in anticipation for the horde which will descend on them tomorrow night. Mina used to fear the hordes like no other, but over time, she realized that they're more inconveniences than actual threats.

 

Most of the zombies are too weak to cause actual harm against well-built structures which have stood the tests of time, meaning that their only strength is in numbers, which are also pathetic. It's a little sad, sometimes, when Mina looks out the window and watches them claw almost half-heartedly at their windows.

 

Tzuyu had said something about a large horde the other day, which meant fortifying their defences again. Jeongyeon had complained when Jihyo declared that they'd need to beef up defence, but Mina was more than on board.

 

The idea of zombies still gets her on edge. They're that one factor she can't depend on to be consistent, or predictable, which is frightening. She likes things better when she knows how they act, how they behave, even the pretenses they put up in hopes of throwing her off. She's never been thrown off, not even once.  


The people back in Kobe told her that she was - what was the word they used again? Manipulative? Sociopathic? One of those, she doesn't really remember. Using information given to you isn't a bad thing at all, she thinks. It just means you're good enough to wrap up all the loose ends into something that makes sense, something that looks good.

 

The walkers don't have the same cues, passions, motivations as normal people do. She can still do her _thing_ with their group - it's why she anticipated Jeongyeon asking for the hammer, because she misplaced the first hammer and is pretending that Mina didn't give her one in the first place, or why she knew Dahyun should've stayed away Jihyo's room when Sana went in to break the news to her.

 

The zombies they face don't have Nayeon's facial expressions, or the subtle twitch of Jeongyeon's ear when she's trying to cover up the truth. All they have is the shells of who they were.

 

It makes her sick.

 

"Let's take a break," Jeongyeon huffs, setting down the hammer on the ground and gazing at her work. There are a few more boards to nail to the windows, but Jeongyeon's skin is glazed with sweat and flushed, she doesn't want to keep going. "We can ask Tzuyu and Dahyun for help later." Her eyes twinkle mischievously, and Mina smiles, lets herself be dragged away by Jeongyeon's poor, predictable self.


	2. satellite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nayeon and Momo re-calibrate themselves. Jeongyeon and Mina talk. Jihyo seeks the one thing she feels she can't have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Nayeon wakes up in a blur, Chaeyoung's hands hard on her shoulders as she rocks her back and forth frantically.

 

"Unni, walkers," Chaeyoung says, managing to maintain formal speech even in her frenzy to get Nayeon out of the rickety shelter they'd stumbled upon the previous night.

 

The older girl is tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, push Chaeyoung away tiredly but firmly and exploit the powers being the eldest gives her. Chaeyoung gets riled up easily - this might be another of her false alarms. She's sweet, but she is also the most paranoid of the three of them, practically sleeping with an ear to the ground.

 

"Chaeng?" floats in Momo's voice. Nayeon can hear the clumsy crumpling of leaves beneath Momo's sleep-drowsy form outside the shelter, the careful cock of her pistol a moment later.

 

The shot that comes shocks Nayeon fully awake, and then Chaeyoung's letting go of her, grabbing her firefighter's axe propped by the entrance and dashing out.

 

Soft groans from the walkers permeate the walls as Nayeon gets up, running a hand through her hair. Irritation spikes through her - trust the walkers to stumble upon them at night. She makes a mental note to thank Chaeyoung for noticing and alerting Momo and her before a horde had time to amass later.

 

"Momo," Nayeon hisses, striding outside in a few steps and making eye contact with the other girl, "Don't shoot."

 

Momo raises her eyebrows, but silently obeys, pistol-whipping one of the two walkers that snuck ( _shuffled_ would be a better word) up on them. She puts her strength into it, and the zombie goes down with a crack, joining two already on the ground. Chaeyoung's trying to pull her axe from the head of one of them, pushing her foot against its shoulder and grimacing at the grotesque sounds that erupt.

 

Nayeon's shotgun is a few metres from where she'd been sleeping, but she knows she won't need it, the other two have the problem taken care of. All there's left to do now is to dig shallow graves for the now fully dead undead, mask their scents well enough so other walkers won't be drawn to it. They'll have to try their best to transport one of the corpses back as Dahyun had requested, while making sure that its scent doesn't draw other walkers to their location.

 

"I'll do it," Momo and Chaeyoung say at the same time, before giggling quietly and looking to Nayeon for her decision.

 

"Go back to bed, Chaeyoung," Nayeon says evenly, rubbing her hands together. There's a midnight breeze blowing, and Nayeon likes the way it cools. "You deserve it. Momo and I will get it done."

 

Chaeyoung looks like she's going to protest for a moment before she nods, walking back into the hut.

 

Nayeon waits for Chaeyoung's light snores before saying anything. She catches Momo watching her thoughtfully, head tilted in that familiar puppy-like way of hers.

 

"How many bullets do you have left?"

 

Momo looks surprised, as if she was expecting Nayeon to say something else. "Not many. Twelve, I think. We'll have to go out and find more weapons soon."

 

"You mean _steal_ some," Nayeon says, chuckling. All their weapons were stolen in some way, the only weapon that wasn't being Chaeyoung's fireman's axe, and even that was illegally obtained by smashing through the glass on a fire alarm. There's no place for morals here.

 

"What _is_ with you and patronizing everything I do?" Momo asks irritably, scratching at the nape of her neck. "First my leg, and now this."

 

"What?" Nayeon splutters. Momo is unusually riled up, glaring daggers at Nayeon, gripping her pistol so tight her knuckles are white. "I didn't do anything-"

 

"My leg hurts," Momo snaps, "It was _aching_ when I was trying to fight off the zombies just now. I'd been trying to hold four of them back on my own because Chaeng was trying to wake you up. And the moment you come out, you just stand there and tell Chaeng to go back to bed when we're done. And you keep me outside? For what? More serious talks and treating me like I'm a child?"

 

Her face is twisted with anger, and Nayeon feels her heart lurching at the sight of Momo so furious. Momo is rarely even agitated, and Nayeon has no idea what brought this on. She knows they've been facing hard times recently - they all have, but the two of them especially. But it couldn't be that...

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Momo recoils like Nayeon's slapped her.

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Nayeon says, more emotional this time. "I didn't know, I really didn't."

 

"I didn't say anything about it," Momo's fingers are tracing the ugly bumps and scars on her leg now, from her knee to her shin. Nayeon looks away when she teases the scarred flesh, grimacing and grunting quietly in self-loathing. "But I'm tired too."

 

Her words are clipped, not in the usual way because she can't speak the language as fluently as she'd like, but purposeful, more generous syllables giving way to sharper words. Denying Nayeon the comfort of Momo's enduring, assuring, endearing self.

 

_I'm tired too._

 

Nayeon wants to ask if it's a language barrier thing, if Momo means something else, but she looks at Momo, _really_ looks at her and knows that it is what it is.

 

/

 

Tzuyu's squeezes the trigger, the bobbing head in her crosshairs exploding in a shower of red. The burst of crimson paints the ground in some grotesque imitation of art, and she lets out a shaky breath, leaving her rifle on the edge of the roof and leaning back for a break.

 

Her fingers are sore as all hell, but her heart is calm. She never feels out of place here. Downstairs? Yes, all the time. She doesn't fit in with the likes of the others, who love to shout and holler at each other and play pranks on each other to keep the 'momentum going', whatever that means. Tzuyu has never found her calling in socialising.

 

She has her work cut out for her. She speaks to the others (and even then, it's usually through Chaeyoung and Jihyo, the rare times they come to the roof) only when needed, to inform them of threats and troubles they may face from walkers and bandits. She sits on the roof for most of the day in the shade with a pitcher of water. She shoots to kill.

 

Tzuyu glances over to the notepad, picking up the plastic ballpoint Chaeyoung had gotten for her when her previous fountain pen was lost in the move from Bucheon to where they currently are.

 

She thinks Jeongyeon might have knocked it out of her hands while they were boarding the steam train, straight into the tracks and into the path of an incoming train, but Tzuyu would rather not think about it. She was just glad that they were relocating.

 

She makes a small check to form the fifth stroke of the Chinese word 正 in the column for 'walkers', which is the 8th正 this month. She does the math - that's 40 walkers in the first 20 days of the month, which translates to slow business. She's not used to having to pick off so little zombies - Nayeon, Momo and Chaeyoung must be doing their jobs well.

 

Ah, Chaeyoung. Tzuyu smiles at the thought of the small girl. She's the kindest of the lot, the one Tzuyu likes the most (sometimes she feels like she doesn't like any of them at all). It's a pity that she's part of the combat team with Nayeon and Momo - it keeps her away from their base, so Tzuyu doesn't see her around much.

 

"Tzuyu!"

 

She turns at the sound of a high voice, offering a small, shy smile when she sees Sana standing in the doorway leading up to the roof. "Tzuyu, come down for lunch! Dahyun cooked it, and it's really good! I think!"

 

"Ah," Tzuyu nods, "I'll come soon."

 

"No, you should come now," Sana insists. "Nayeon and Momo and Chaeng are back-" (Tzuyu knows this) "-and I think we should all sit down and have a meal together! Please?" She pouts, and Tzuyu sighs, having no choice but to agree.

 

At least she'll see Chaeyoung again.

 

/

 

"You two are acting like children."

 

Nayeon looks up from her food, giving Jihyo a dark look. Dahyun flinches, but Jihyo doesn't even blink, used to how Nayeon gets when she's being told off.

 

"I agree," Jeongyeon announces, almost as if she wants Nayeon to get into a screaming match with her.

 

It's Momo's turn to glare, and there's a remarkable uniformity in how she and Nayeon look, despite the two of them sitting as far as humanly possible from each other.

 

They'd spent the entire walk back to base camp on either side of Chaeyoung, Momo growling something about how Nayeon's so insensitive she wouldn't _know_ if Momo was beside her or not, and Nayeon saying nothing but positively radiating anger. Chaeyoung had ran off to Dahyun the moment they came back, unable to handle the stress of playing peacemaker.

 

"Let's not fight," Mina suggests quietly, "Thank you for bringing what Dahyun asked for back to camp, guys. We're almost there with the cure, thanks to your help."

  
"Did you hear that? Thanks to our help," Momo says, smiling poisonously at Nayeon, and the prim and proper expression on Mina's face flickers.

 

(Jeongyeon thinks she sees something in there for that one moment the tightly-pressed lips break formation, an ugly flash of raw emotion in Mina's eyes, but then everything is back to normal and Jeongyeon thinks she must've been seeing things.)

 

Nayeon slams down her fork, eyeing Momo. "Loud and clear."

 

Usually, when the two of them begin staring at each other like this, it's Jeongyeon's cue to leave the room before one of them is pinned up against the other, but not today. Today the tension is just unpleasant, and Jeongyeon can see the visible discomfort on the others' faces too.

 

"So," Dahyun starts, tucking into the canned spam and egg concoction she'd managed to fry up (it's the fattiest thing Jeongyeon's had in a long, long while, and her stomach is satiated with a big smile on its face at the moment). "How's things going with the rest of you?"

 

Nayeon and Momo go back to silently eating, Jihyo shaking her head before smiling at the rest, heartened by Dahyun's attempt at conversation. The medical student isn't the chattiest these days, not with the immense pressure that's being put on her to solve their circumstances. "Yeah! How are things going, Tzuyu? We haven't heard from you in a while."

 

"Not much," the youngest member shrugs, "A few of them are going to come tonight and bash on our windows, but they'll give up by daybreak."

 

"Do you need us to go out and kill them?" Chaeyoung asks, fully aware of the amount of noise the walkers produce, especially in the dead of night when everything is amplified. She wishes they could come at a more convenient time, maybe in the day when all of them are awake and ready to fire.

 

Tzuyu smiles, shakes her head. "No, I think it'll create lots of noise and attract more zombies. Thanks for the offer, though."

 

Jeongyeon wiggles her eyebrows at Chaeyoung, and Chaeyoung flushes a deep red.

 

The talk goes on for a while more, simple banter inconsequential things like Jeongyeon and Mina's efforts to reinforce the windows, how Sana found it adorable when she chanced upon Dahyun snoozing at her desk this morning and took it upon herself to carry her back to bed.

 

(Jeongyeon doesn't miss the sour expression that flits across Jihyo's face as Sana gushes about how bewildered Dahyun had been when she woke up in a bed, blankets tucked beneath her chin, and thinks that Sana must really be clueless about what makes Jihyo ticks.)

 

Nayeon disappears at one point or another, Momo shortly after, and Chaeyoung cracks a joke about how they all have to speak a little louder now. Jihyo just looks relieved that they aren't trying to kill each other in front of the rest. Even the youngest member of their troupe waits until the dishes have been scraped clean before dutifully trotting to the sink to do the dishes, excusing herself when they're clean and resting on the top rack above their sink area.

 

It's strange. This is something none of them are accustomed to.

 

"The corpse is probably rotting even more as we speak, I better get going back to my workspace soon," Dahyun says, politely declining Sana's excited offer to help her out. "I really think we're onto something here. I hope."

 

That's the end to their quiet afternoon, as they disperse, nodding at each other with a newfound sense of camaraderie and friendship.

 

/

 

Mina is lying across Jeongyeon's stomach, the older girl absently stroking her hair as they sit in the shade. It's mid-noon now, the sun too high in the sky for them to continue working. Besides, they're done, so Jeongyeon had declared the rest of the afternoon a comfortable rest for both of them.

 

They've been doing a lot of this. Resting, that is. Resting with each other. Mina doesn't know if she should think anything of it.

 

"I'm worried," Jeongyeon confesses, her voice quiet. Mina doesn't say anything in response, her eyes closed, knowing that Jeongyeon will continue talking unprompted. She's so different from Mina in that aspect. "Nayeon and Momo are fighting again, Chaeyoung looks like she's crumbling under the stress, Tzuyu's being Tzuyu, and Dahyun and Sana-- well. You know about them."

Mina hums, searching for the right things to say. Jeongyeon expects some response that agrees with her. "It's hard to see where Sana's loyalties lie, I think," she says carefully.

 

"Precisely," Jeongyeon sighs, "And it's giving Jihyo an aneurysm. It'll give Dahyun one, too, when she finally pieces everything together."

 

"I don't want to be around when that happens."

 

Jeongyeon throws her head back and laughs, and even in her lap, where she looks like she has nine chins and is at her most unflattering, Mina genuinely thinks that she's pretty. Really, really pretty. Jeongyeon is damn near glowing in the muted light of the shade, and Mina feels her heart beat a little faster than she's used to.

 

"A part of me just wants to tell Dahyun that Sana's playing with her. But Sana isn't, not really, she doesn't even know what she's doing to both of them."

 

"She'll learn."

 

"Mm."

 

/

 

"Say you love me," Jihyo gasps out, gripping on to the collar of Sana's shirt for dear life as she pulls her close.

 

It's selfish of her to want this, to want Sana all to herself, to treat Sana as if she's no more than who Jihyo belongs to, than someone who belongs to Jihyo. Sana is precious, Sana is gorgeous and Sana is everything Jihyo has ever wanteed. Sana feels like everything Jihyo can't have.

 

Sana's eyes are clouded with a mix of confusion and lust, "Jihyo?"

 

" _Please_ ," Jihyo says, the word coming out like a sob. She hates how she sounds, as if she's begging for the slightest hint of affection from Sana.

 

 _Please just give me this_.

 

"Jihyo, what's wrong-"

 

Jihyo presses against her, hard, before she can speak again, muffling her words with her own lips. She tastes of something frantic and fearful and frightened, like a half-fledged wild animal, and Sana surges up against her, hands threading into her hair, murmuring reassurance and promises that she's hers, it's okay, they're together in the here and now and nothing else matters.

 

"I love you," Sana whispers, separating from Jihyo's frantic self to comb her fingers through her lover's hair. A part of her is shocked at how disheveled, how distraught Jihyo looks, and she wonders if it's her who caused this. That just makes the guilt worse, so she covers it up. "I love you, I love you, alright? I really do. So, _so_ much," Sana promises, and she feels her voice end in a choke.

 

Jihyo's still trembling, even after Sana's frenzied promises and whispered confessions and vows that she's the only one she'll ever love.

 

It's taken getting used to, the fact that maybe - just maybe, Sana might love her back.

 

(Because Jihyo is so used to losing everything, everyone she loves, and she's terrified Sana might be another one of them.)


	3. everglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group faces difficult times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;D

_"You know I'll hate you even more if you die, right?" Nayeon smiles mirthlessly, making eye contact with her best friend. "This was so stupid, Jeong. You never needed to do anything like this."_

_"Don't 'I told you so' me," Jeongyeon huffs, looking slighted even in the pale shade her face has turned. Nayeon's not sure whether it's from sickness or inexposure to the sun that's turned Jeongyeon this way. It's not like it matters. "I can do whatever I want."_

_Nayeon sighs. "Why are you so goddamn stubborn?"_

Why are you so goddamn selfless?

 

_Jeongyeon is altruistic to a fault, which meant that she hadn't thought twice before shoving Nayeon behind her when a walker had gotten too close for comfort and when Nayeon's gun had gotten jammed._

_She'd raised her knife in time for it to impale straight through, but not without a ugly, downright mortifying scar forming on her arm in the wake of the kill, with the cause unknown. Worst case scenario - she would be turned in a matter of days, with the zombie venom rushing through her veins like fire. Best case scenario - it was just a self-inflicted scratch she hadn't noticed._

_The rest of them had handled it surprisingly well - Sana had only screamed once before running to find Dahyun, and Jihyo was on the scene before Jeongyeon could promise that she was fine, tightly controlled expression molded onto her face._

_Jeongyeon's tried to claim that she's alright multiple times over the course of the past ten minutes, after Dahyun had declared that she needed to be quarantined for the next 3 days. Alone. In a locked room._

_Of course, Jeongyeon isn't the only stubborn one around here._

_"Big gun you got there," Jeongyeon says, "Would be a pity if you had to shoot me with it." Her tone is playful, in the way she knows annoys Nayeon. It's irritated her ever since they were grade-schoolers, the know-it-all voice Jeongyeon likes to use when she knows she's making a fair point._

_  
"Thought you were convinced that I wouldn't have to?"_

_"Maybe you will," Jeongyeon muses, drawing patterns over the back of her hand. "Just to prove your point. You would."_

_Not for the first time, Nayeon finds herself speechless._

/

 

Mina finds these quiet moments a lot more rewarding than the times spent speaking. She's sitting opposite Dahyun, watching their healer furiously scribble into her notebook.

 

She finds things she hadn't previously noticed about Dahyun, here and now - for one, her ring finger curls under her pencil to support the pencil to make up for the absence of her middle finger. (Mina wasn't around when Dahyun lost her finger, but she heard from Jeongyeon that it was the product of a zombie bite and Dahyun a lightning-fast reaction time.)

 

Second, she tilts her entire body and writing paper to the right when she writes, uncharacteristic of a right-hander. Could it be possible that she's mixed-handed? She saw Dahyun scrape the food from the pan with her left hand just now, which means that she could depend on both hands for tasks. That could explain Dahyun's apparent lack of social skills, given mixed-handed people's higher risk of a variety of issues. Then again, that might just come with studying medicine.

 

Dahyun sets her pencil down, cracking her knuckles lazily as she reclines back. She looks at Mina, smirking momentarily. "You've been here for awfully long," she observes thoughtfully, "Why?"

 

"You're interesting," it sounds like a confession, but Dahyun seems flustered by the statement.

 

Mina then knows all she has to do to win Dahyun's heart is to speak. Speak until she has no more words to offer, because Dahyun is so charmed by the way Mina's voice enunciates what she wants to hear, how Mina seems so generous when she's with Dahyun.

 

She thinks about Jeongyeon, about how her charming but deliciously jealous girlfriend will react when Mina tells her all about how much Dahyun loves her. Jeongyeon has a tendency to hyperfixate, especially when she gets upset. It's attractive, kind of, and more importantly, opens Jeongyeon up to manipulation.

  
Despite everything, Mina wants to protect her from that type of thing. Jeongyeon is headstrong, but she isn't crafty, cunning, the way Mina is, (the way Nayeon gets sometimes, too,) which is a good thing, no one should strive to be like Mina.

 

( _It's not your fault you're this way_.)

 

/

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Momo looks up, silent but questioning, the walkie-talkie she'd been fiddling with quickly forgotten as she sizes Nayeon up. She draws back subconsciously, as if expecting Nayeon to lunge for her throat.

 

The onus is on Nayeon to speak. "I shouldn't have-- um, shouldn't have put you down like that. I think I've been doing that a lot."  


Momo laughs. "Yeah, you have."

 

"I'll try not to anymore," Nayeon promises, "And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to tell me how upset you were. I should've listened more to you, I should listen more to you, yeah?"

  
They're closer than ever now, Momo's eyes boring holes into Nayeon, mapping out every feature of her face, the dips and creases, only inches away. Nayeon is rudely alerted to the growing pit of growling warmth in her stomach, the fierce want she has to drag Momo in close.

 

They've been inching along like a car with a flat tyre for days, too many for Nayeon to tolerate. Even in the kisses they'd shared before the fight, Nayeon could taste the bitterness on Momo's lips, a sure sign that something was wrong.

 

She doesn't know if she deserves it, though. If she deserves any intimacy Momo has to offer. Not when she had made Momo feel weak, feel useless at the weakness of her leg. (Nayeon really doesn't care that Momo can't run at the same pace or speed that she can, because she knows Momo's gone through so much and her leg can only take so much, but Momo cares a lot more, about how Nayeon perceives her.)

 

She tilts her head, as if to ask, _Is now okay_?

 

Momo can only smile. _More than okay._

/

 

Chaeyoung tosses her pen to Tzuyu when Tzuyu relaxes from the rifle, unable to wipe the stupid grin off her face. The Taiwanese girl makes another stroke on the checkmark system she has (Chaeyoung doesn't understand it, but it seems to give Tzuyu comfort), looking up and murmuring to Chaeyoung that this is her 42nd kill this month. "I'm just trying to shave off their numbers before the horde comes tonight," Tzuyu explains. "It'll make life easier for all of us."

 

If she squints, Chaeyoung can see the beginnings of the horde ambling towards their headquarters, slow but sure movements guaranteeing that they'll reach their destination by nightfall.

 

The walkers get a lot faster, a lot stronger at night, something Chaeyoung knows from experience. (Never again - she didn't know terror until she had to grapple with the loose flesh and bones of a walker at night, alone, with the rest of the horde cornering her and Sana.) Hopefully, not strong enough to breach their defenses. Sometimes it feels like they've gotten cocky, like they're so comfortable in their own safety that they begin cutting corners.

 

Not Tzuyu. Tzuyu continues to work tirelessly, ensuring that they're safe and any stragglers which might arouse the interest of other zombies are killed off quickly, before they get too close. Chaeyoung can appreciate that.

 

She can appreciate everything about Tzuyu. Her crush threatens to shut down her lungs with how intense it is. She's always admired Tzuyu, always liked her a little beyond platonic affections, but lunch had just amplified these feelings. Tzuyu hasn't shown any sign of being into girls, but Chaeyoung's sure that they can work something out.

 

That's not important. She leans on Tzuyu, her heart fluttering when the younger girl presses back into her, and closes her eyes. Tzuyu's breathing is steady, casting warmth across Chaeyoung's cheek. It's comforting and Chaeyoung feels at home, much more than she has in a long while.

 

She could get used to this.

/

 

The corpse the combat team had brought back stinks to high heaven, so Jihyo's taken in upon herself to freshen up the rest of base, if that makes things any better. Really, spring cleaning just relaxes her, has always done the trick for her nerves even before the apocalypse. It brings her back to times long gone, where she would calm her nerves by cleaning up the space around her. It's probably a psychological trick or something.

 

She's in Sana and Momo's room, sweeping away the dust that's gathered on the top of the closet. This was just Sana's room once, before she found Momo and brought her back to camp to get her healed up. Then it was second nature for Sana to share the double bed with the newest member of their group. It's gone back to being just Sana's room, though, what with Nayeon and Momo getting involved with each other.

 

Jihyo sighs. She's thankful for this house and its all its furnishings, its six bedrooms and four bathrooms providing enough luxury for all of them. Nayeon had claimed it to be a 'modest vacation home' her family owned in Busan, and that it wasn't 'very impressive, but it'll do'.

 

She'd been much more in favour of going back to Seoul, her hometown, to rough it out, which had led to another argument between Jeongyeon and Nayeon about thinking about everyone and how they couldn't possibly be safe in one of the most densely populated cities in the world. Nayeon threw a chair at Jeongyeon at one point.

 

Four hours on the train later, two survivors picked up at Daejeon (Dahyun and Sana), and plenty of tears (when they pulled away from Seoul station, Nayeon and Chaeyoung had both cried and pretended that they hadn't), they'd arrived in Busan, and Nayeon had successfully led them to their 'modest vacation home'. Jihyo still remembers the wonder Mina had looked at the house with as they got accustomed to the place, and the ease with which Nayeon had plopped herself down on a couch.

 

Those when times were easier, of course. Now the KTX has been completely - pardon the pun - derailed, with no more movement within the country by rail, or air, or anything, really. The military had promised them so much, but in the end, communications had broken down, leaving whoever was still alive to fend for themselves. It's been like this for a year.

 

Things really were better in Bucheon, Jihyo thinks sadly, tucking the corner of the bedspread beneath the mattress to spread it out evenly. Then it was just Nayeon and Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung and Jihyo, and then later Mina, living in an abandoned motel and shooting at birds for food, before the zombies had overwhelmed their hideout and chased them away.

 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon used to fight a lot less - the childhood friends know each other better than anyone, which used to form a peaceful sort of stalemate. But then Mina came into the equation, when she knocked on their door and begged for them to please accept her into their group because she just watched her whole Psychology class be eaten, and that was the start of the rifts between the two eldest.

 

The arrival of Momo in Busan only made things worse, made things even tenser, but for what reason, Jihyo doesn't know. It's tiring watching Nayeon and Jeongyeon be at each others' throats half the time, even the patient Chaeyoung has enough sometimes. Now it feels like Nayeon and Jeongyeon are never going to be at peace.

 

It's natural instinct for Jihyo to take in as many people as she can, but managing a group of nine gets difficult. Everyone needs to be somewhere sometime, and sometimes they get involved with each other in messy ways that upset them.

 

_Anyone you can think of?_

Jihyo exhales, shaking her head quickly to get rid of the thoughts. She still doesn't know what came over her just now, with Sana and the tears, why she had weakened so fast. She tells herself that she's under pressure, it was a buildup of stress from leading the group and watching Nayeon and Momo fight, but she knows it isn't anything like that.

 

Even if she tries to hate Dahyun, she can't. It's not Dahyun's fault, she knows, and neither is it Sana's, because Sana is affectionate and loves expressing her love for everyone. She's the friendliest member of their group - one of the reasons why Momo had gotten comfortable so fast - and is naturally extroverted. Jihyo knows this.

 

Which means the blame falls on her.

 

She squeezes her eyes shut for a quick moment to rein in any rogue tears, peeling open the top drawer of Sana's dresser. She convinces herself that it's so she can clean the inside of the drawer, it's getting dusty in there, right?

 

/

 

Jeongyeon is sitting with her back to the wall beside the front door, Mina cuddled up to her again. Mina's pretty sure she can hear the beginnings of sleep coming for Jeongyeon in the soft lilt of Jeongyeon's voice, sleepy and lazy.

 

Mina likes Jeongyeon the most when she's like this - her domineering personality is attractive, but this side of her is endearing.  
  
"Hey," Mina reaches for Jeongyeon's hand, tangles their fingers together. Jeongyeon hums sleepily. "I love you."

 

"I know," Jeongyeon yawns, slipping off a moment later.

 

/

 

There's a polaroid of Dahyun and Sana on top of the pile of Sana's knick-knacks, the first thing that greets Jihyo's sight. It must be a punishment from the heavens.

 

And Jihyo was never really religious, but it's now that she prays fervently for a bolt of lightning to strike her dead where she stands.

 

With fumbling fingers, she lifts the photograph, the edges pressing into her fingertips like a curse. Sana has her arm slung over Dahyun, holding her close, at what Jihyo guesses is Dahyun's graduation from med school. Dahyun is clutching a bouquet of flowers, a bright red lipstick mark on her cheek matching Sana's lips.

 

Jihyo knows, she's always known that Dahyun and Sana were friends before joining the group, from the time they boarded the KTX at Daejeon and Sana was hanging off Dahyun's elbow, but this is different. This is an explicit reminder of how much Dahyun matters to Sana - how many more photos does she have of them together? This feels like a deep stab in her heart, right where it hurts, and the worst thing is that she doesn't know why.

 

Jealousy is an ugly feeling and Jihyo knows she shouldn't be crying now, not when this polaroid is one of the last things Sana has from her old life, but it _hurts_ , it hurts and it stings and Jihyo can't find the will to breathe as she sinks to her knees in front of the dresser, hiccuping tears and sobs on the photo.

  
(Sana is beautiful, and Sana continues to be everything Jihyo can't have.)

 

/

 

"Fuck," Chaeyoung swears, and this is the moment where it sinks in for the rest of them that this is happening, this is real. Chaeyoung's hair is sticking to her forehead as she paces back and forth, looking stressed beyond comprehension.

  
It's still sinking in for Momo, and the girl looks slightly confused as to why everyone's faces are rapidly changing to full-blown panic. It still doesn't register, that there's going to be a threat that they can't fight off coming for them.

 

Jeongyeon, by hook or by crook, still manages to keep a level head. "Minari, can you go call Jihyo?" She says pleasantly. "Get her here. She'll know what to do."

 

"Oh god," Sana sighs, shaking her head and running after Mina when Mina leaves to go find Jihyo.

 

Dahyun only stares after them for a moment before getting down to business. "I'll go pack up my things. I don't have much, I'll gather what I need and then come back to help the rest of you pack? We should all pack right now, we should leave soon."

 

They all know that it's Dahyun who's imperative to their escape effort. It's the reason why the bandits are coming for them, a rival gang intent on killing them and seizing the cure from them.

 

It's been a threat long time coming, and Tzuyu only realized this when she saw some of the bandits' ranks lumbering amongst the zombies, signifying their presence. Boarded-up windows won't save them from the gunshots and the grenades that the bandits, mostly ex-military, have. Especially not when they have the motivation of the cure to spur them forward. Their little group's chances of survival against the bandits aren't high, so the only way out is to flee, now.

 

A murmur of assent goes through the room at Dahyun's words, and there's a few comments of "thank you" aimed at Tzuyu, for realizing what was happening so fast, for reacting as quickly as she did. Chaeyoung smiles gratefully at Tzuyu before going to the roof to get her rifle and her ammunition for her.

 

/

 

"Jihyo-unni?" Mina knocks on the door once before swinging it open. There's a crash as Jihyo surges up from where she'd seemingly been sitting on the ground, bumping into one of Sana's open drawers. "Sorry, did I interrupt anything?"

 

Jihyo shakes her head in denial, though the redness of her nose and puffiness of her eyes says whatever their leader isn't. "Why?" Her voice tapers off in a way that feels acidic, in the telltale way no one can hide. (Even Mina can't hide when she's been crying - believe it, she's tried.) "Is there something wrong?"

 

Mina hears footsteps behind her, and then Sana's pressing into her back, voice high with worry. Jihyo hides whatever it is in her hands behind her back the moment she sees Sana, with whatever the taller girl was going to say dying in her throat.

 

"Ji-"

 

"We have to go," Mina interrupts firmly. "We can talk later. There are bandits attacking, Jihyo-unni, we have to go."

 

For the first time since Mina has known her, Jihyo looks at a loss for what to do. Her hands are still concealed behind her back, her eyes trained straight through Mina and fixated on Sana.

 

Shame is present in every crevice of Jihyo's face, but that's where Mina's powers of perception end - she has no clue what's caused this, but it can't be anything good. Jihyo _never_ looks like this.

 

"Right. We. Have to go," Jihyo says, snapping out of her haze. "Let's pack up, we can leave in half an hour, yes? Sorry I was busy, Mina." She shoves whatever it was in her hand into the drawer in a quick flash, slamming shut the drawer and striding towards the door.

 

"Jihyo," Sana says, grabbing Jihyo by the wrist as their leader tries to wriggle away. Mina turns, watching the two of them stare each other down. Jihyo's looking everywhere but Sana, her nose getting even redder the more Sana holds her in place, and Sana just looks- she just looks betrayed. "What were you doing with that?"  
  
"Nothing," Jihyo snaps, still not meeting Sana's eyes, "Let go of me, Sana. I'm going to go gather my things and make sure everyone's fine-"  
  
"Oh? Are you? Because you don't look too fine yourself," Sana hisses, eyes narrowing. "I just want to _know_ why you were looking through my things, Jisoo."

 

Jihyo stiffens as if struck when Sana uses her old name, the one she thinks only Nayeon and Jeongyeon know.   
  
"I wasn't-"

 

"Why were you holding that photo?" Sana insists, and Mina can see it now, can see the slow destruction and unravelling of things between Sana and Jihyo. Sana is beginning to realize where she's gone wrong, and Jihyo-- well, Jihyo is something else entirely. "Do you not trust me?"

 

Mina remembers Jihyo saying something about spring cleaning, about freshening up the place, but she's pretty sure none of spring cleaning had to do with the heartbreak so evident on Jihyo's face.

 

She thinks she might know, really, what exactly is going on. But she's never bothered herself with the affairs of other people, with thinking and mulling over events that aren't relevant to her. She urges Sana quietly to let it go, even if it's just for the moment. There are more important things right now, like getting as far away from here as they can.

 

"Fine," Sana says quietly, still holding on Jihyo. "We're going to talk later, alright?" Her voice is softer now, gentler now that Mina's calmed the two of them.   
  
Mina's guessing that the 'talk' in question will only be awkwardness punctuated by even more awkwardness, and won't actually bring them closer to anything. It's foolish of them to think otherwise, after all.

 

"Fine." Jihyo pushes Sana away, storming away and down the stairs, calling for the others and telling them that they'll leave in an hour.

 

Sana and Mina maintain eye contact for a long while, Sana opening her mouth as if she's going to say something before she closes it again, before Mina shrugs and walks off to find Dahyun.


	4. monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay! had a bunch of things happening, but i'm back!

Most of them don't have anything sentimental or anything of value to carry away with them - it's mostly practical items like food and pans and pots, things that they hadn't thought they'd ever need to move because of how safe they were in their cosy little spot in Busan. Nayeon's family home became something like a second home for all of them, impervious to harm. Now that there's danger on the horizon, all of them have been thrown off balance. It's uncomfortable, to say the very least.

 

But none of them can find it in themselves to complain, especially with Jihyo at the forefront of all activity, running around to help pack the waterbottles and check if anyone else needs help, all while having the tensest look possible on her face. It's not just the grim threat of the bandits that has her looking like this, but predictably, no one asks what's wrong. (The lack of questions is welcomed.)

 

Jeongyeon, for one, doesn't work well under stress - she and Sana have a clipped back-and-forth when Sana accidentally kicks the side of her bag while walking to the storeroom, almost coming to blows until Nayeon tells the two of them off for being so confrontational. Sana rolls her eyes and storms off.

 

The youngest members are doing much better, with Chaeyoung and Tzuyu looking very pleased with themselves as they finish loading up the packs of canned food. Dahyun's still running around with her various painkillers and medical instruments, her notebooks, and the precious vial that serves as the prototype for the cure.

 

The vial itself is wrapped in a few rags to cushion it, and only the stopper can be seen peeking out above. It steals breaths away, and they feel almost reverent in the presence of it. It's what they've been dreaming of since the apocalypse began - if this works, what else will?

 

Will they break out from the apocalypse unscathed, and be able to rebuild the Earth? It's always been a fever dream of sorts, but Dahyun brings promises, new beginnings for all of them.

 

Now, all they have to do is live long enough for a new beginning.

 

/

 

The first sign that something's wrong is when they aren't at the next base Jihyo charted out for them by dusk (also charted out by Jihyo, who'd held the map up to her eyes and made sure all the calculations were correct). The city is nowhere in sight, and they're all beginning to worry that they won't be able to find a safe place by sundown.

 

The best thing they have right now is the abandoned barn in the middle of bumfuck, which the older members of their group are eyeing wistfully. It can't possibly be safe - it's abandoned for a _reason,_ Chaeyoung wants to insist, but Jeongyeon has her stubborn face on, and Chaeyoung isn't in the mood to argue against her right now.

 

The barn is a work of art. Any semblance of dignity or cleanliness it may once had is gone, and the door nearly falls off its hinges when Jihyo pulls it open. Momo and Dahyun disappear for a while, only to come back with the report that the house a bit away from the barn is locked up.

 

None of this can be good. They've just been forcefully evicted from their home, are being pursued by bandits who hunger for the cure, and their newest accommodations don't look the least bit inviting. That, and the fact that the bandits wouldn't hesitate to kill all of them, save Dahyun - and they'd get rid of Dahyun, too, right after she was done with the cure. Chaeyoung _saw_ what they could do, how ruthless they were back in Bucheon, when it was just four of them.

 

Chaeyoung feels her nerves fraying on behalf of the group, wishes that she could do something. Reassure them that everything's going to be alright? No one's in the mood for that right now.

 

"I guess we have no choice," Sana says miserably, shrugging off her backpack and setting it down. She's a shadow of who she tends to be, Chaeyoung thinks, nowhere close to the bubbly, enthusiastic moodmaker Sana usually is. The situation's taken its toll on her, Chaeyoung guesses. "We'll have to sleep out here tonight."  
  
"The bandits are trying to track us down," Tzuyu says softly, "I can keep watch. We're taking a risk by settling down here for the night."

 

"We'll be alright," Mina speaks up, smiling. "I'll keep watch with you, Tzuyu."

 

"No, it's alright-" Tzuyu protests.

 

"Me too," Jihyo says quickly. "I'll be there to keep an eye on things. Right?"  
  
Tzuyu still looks reluctant, but nods, seemingly intimidated by Jihyo's assertiveness. Their leader looks disheveled, eyes the wildest they've ever seen them. Jihyo looks entirely thrown off balance, and it seems that being here is making her even tenser. She isn't one to react badly to stress, but there's a first time for everything.

 

"Sure," Tzuyu mumbles.

 

/

 

Jeongyeon flops down beside Nayeon, hands already toying with a scrap of cloth in a bid to pretend that she isn't sulking. Nayeon sighs, watching her best friend emnate gloom.

 

"Is this about Mina?"

 

"Only a little," Jeongyeon grumbles. She feels... strange, like the chill you feel on your skin after scratching at it. She doesn't know what brought this on, which makes it even worse. Like an itch you can't reach.

 

Like a betrayal of the highest order.

  
She shakes the thought and her suspicions away.

 

"You don't trust her, do you?"

 

Jeongyeon feels an odd sense of deja vu as Nayeon nods in assent. They've had this conversation before, she knows, and it feels like they keep coming back to it, like they've had this talk even in her dreams.

 

"Not at all," Nayeon affirms, "I've made this clear. She's no good for you."

 

"What has she ever _done_ to you?" Jeongyeon sighs.

  
Definitely a conversation on repeat. "Nothing, but I've never gotten the best of vibes from her. I guess, if we get through this alive, and she doesn't try to backstab anyone, I'll trust her. This is the best time for a snake to strike."

 

The younger girl's eyes flash. "Hey, she's still my girlfriend."

 

"And I respect you less for it," Nayeon smiles thinly.

 

The space beside Jeongyeon lifts as Nayeon moves to leave the room, leaving Jeongyeon staring after her.

 

Nayeon's hated Mina from the first day they met. This should be enough for Jeongyeon to not take Nayeon and her petty hatreds to heart.

 

But Nayeon hated Eunwoo, too, back in high school when the three of them were a group, before Eunwoo exposed Jeongyeon's most secret of secrets to the whole school after a fight. She hated Doyeon in elementary school, told Jeongyeon to avoid her a week before Doyeon tipped her lunch tray over her. Everyone Nayeon has ever warned Jeongyeon about, every hunch that Nayeon has had from someone, has always turned out to be right.

 

Jeongyeon can't doubt that.

 

But she will, alright. She will as long as she can, as long as her heart can convince her that she's in love with Mina.

 

Because she is.

 

Because she wants to be.

 

/

 

It's been relatively uneventful so far, with Mina nearly dozing off while standing with how peaceful the night air is. The rest of the group's gone to bed, weary from the long day and the rough transition they had, but Tzuyu and Jihyo are wide awake. Tzuyu puts it down to the adrenaline, though Jihyo hasn't wiped the troubled look off her face in hours, and won't talk about it.

 

"I'll head in," Mina yawns, "Call me if you need help." She's gone before either of them can respond, and Tzuyu somehow knows that she won't be calling Mina for help anytime soon.

 

Of course, that's with no ill intention - Mina is just tired, and Tzuyu would rather she sleep than remain awake and a liability if something went wrong. She's never been very good at covering for other people in times of crisis.

 

She looks at Jihyo, and sighs. Their leader is still milling around in an aimless manner, remaining in Tzuyu's orbit and appropriately steady in her footsteps, but with a faraway look in her eyes.

 

 _Jihyo looks so much like her_.

 

No. No. Tzuyu shakes the thought off, feeling cold sweat drip down the back of her neck.

 

_The eyes, it's the eyes._

No. She can't go back to that. She's gone over this, and she can't let it cripple herself over and over again.

 

_Jieqiong..._

"Tzuyu? Anything wrong?"

 

Jihyo is smiling at her.

 

"No, it's nothing," Tzuyu deflects, smiling back. She wonders if Jihyo even cares, if she _really_ wants Tzuyu to be happy. It's cruel, but... "Do you want to head in to rest?"

 

"Ah," Jihyo has a thoughtful look in her eyes. "I think I'll stay out here. I don't want to leave you alone, and anyway, the night air is refreshing." It sounds like she's reading off a script, but Tzuyu doesn't have the heart to point it out.

 

They're stuck in this equilibrium, beaming at each other when neither of their hearts are into it when it happens.

 

Tzuyu stops thinking about any sort of resemblance Jihyo has to Jieqiong when an arrow whizzes straight into her eye.

 

Blood spurts from her face, and then Jihyo's _screaming._

/

Mina holds her breath when Dahyun stirs, mere metres from her. Something tells her Dahyun wouldn't suspect a thing if she woke up and saw Mina hovering over her, only chuckle and tell her to go back to sleep, but it's still better to err on the side of caution. She feels like a spirit, casting her deathly pallor over everyone she steps over in search for what she wants.

 

There it is. Her fingers scrabble over the small leather pouch with Dahyun's initials etched into them. _Rich girl_. She thinks she's heard things about Dahyun coming from wealth, back when monetary wealth meant something.

 

She's still rich, of course. But it's not in the way she'd imagine.   


Mina feels herself hunger as she tugs the pouch open, her heart slowing as she bares the contents to her feasting eyes. She's a wolf stalking her prey, hungry for her prize.

 

_Ah, I'm not quite done with it, but I think the prototype is doing pretty well. I haven't had the chance to try it, though. Hopefully I can make something of it soon? Or hopefully none of us will ever have to try it._

The glowing contents of the vial tremble in her grasp. She's so close, so close that she can drag Jeongyeon up from her slumber and they can leave _now_ -

 

"Mina?"

 

She has one second to react, takes advantage of Sana's exhaustion and just-awoken stupor to shove the vial back into Dahyun's pouch, worry everything back into place. Her heart rate doesn't falter, and she's staring back at Sana now, who's sitting up and peering at her curiously.

 

"Go back to sleep, Sana. I needed to take something."

 

"Oh..." Mina thinks she can make Sana's dazed expression out in the dark, moves away from the pile of bags before she can say anything else.   


Sana's about to go back to sleep, eyelids already droopy, but then comes the scream that changes everything.

 

" _SANA_!"

 

/

 

Most of Tzuyu's duties so far have allowed her to have enough time to formulate a battle plan before attacking. She can gain her bearings, before viewing her enemy, and deciding exactly how she'd like to take them out. It's comfortable for her, and results in the best possible outcomes. It's how she'd prefer to do everything, honestly speaking.

 

This is not one of those times.

 

Jihyo staggers back, and Tzuyu's first thought, despite her addled and very much afraid state, is to duck.

 

_If you don't duck, you'll die._

What if she'd been just a little to the right? What if Jihyo had taken the arrow meant for her?

 

" _SANA_!" Jihyo wails, gripping on to her face and alternating between screams of pain and cries of Sana's name. Tzuyu has her hands clamped around her ears, adrenaline pumping through her at speeds she's never felt before. This is different, this is so different from what Tzuyu is used to, and it terrifies her.

 

The second arrow whizzes through the air, straight past her ear, and Tzuyu cries out in fear. It's raw and it hurts her throat and it _hurts_ , she's scared and she doesn't know what she can do. She can't tell where the arrows are coming from, and she's scared that she'll be next, that she's going to end up like Jihyo. And even that thought, especially that thought, is so selfish.

 

Jihyo is still crying, her cries tapering into soundless keens of pain, her body accommodating to the fact that there is an arrow buried into the socket where her left eye used to be. It's a vile, bloody sight, and Tzuyu feels bile rise in her throat.

 

She hears the distant sound of the barn door being flung open, footsteps rushing towards them, and whimpers because she couldn't even defend her friends from this. They're not her friends, not by a long shot, but they're the closest to a family Tzuyu has ever had. She's failed, she's failed--

 

" _Tzuyu_ ," Sana screams, "I need you to shoot back. They're there, they're there."

 

Tzuyu shakes her head, she can't do this, she's not ready for this, she's going to die and let everyone down-

 

The slap across her cheek is painful, but preferable to the threat of an arrow or a bullet. Sana's eyes are glistening, hot tears sliding down her face as she walks off to kneel by Jihyo's side, and Tzuyu can hear her voice begin to tremble. "Tzuyu, do you hear me?"

 

Another arrow comes, and the fear in Tzuyu's bloodstream turns to ice.

 

It's not over yet.

  
She rises, hefting her rifle up and shooting blindly. She doesn't aim, and it's a shot in the dark and definitely doesn't get rid of their attackers, but it's a testament to the fact that they know where their attackers are. It's a warning.

 

"Jihyo, baby, please listen to me," Sana's saying amidst Jihyo's rapidly quietening sobs, but Tzuyu can't pay attention, not as she busies herself with grabbing Jihyo's dropped pistol and shooting blindly. The recoil shocks her elbows as she holds the gun out in front of her, trying to be as steady as possible, just like how she's watched Momo and Nayeon do this before.

 

Momo and Nayeon. People she's responsible for, who have provided her with a home, who Tzuyu is determined to protect.

 

The arrows have stopped, but she's smarter than to think that they've retreated. Her mind is still messy, still confused, but she compartmentalizes the fear and replaces it with steady shooting. Tzuyu hears more footsteps coming from the barn, the frenzied shouts of Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung getting closer.

 

Jihyo is quiet, now, and Tzuyu thinks she might be completely still in Sana's arms, if she turned around to take a look.

 

But she doesn't. She keeps firing and firing and firing, and doesn't stop, even when Sana screams at her to.

 

/

 

_She gave and gave, until she had nothing left to give._

/

 

Sana refuses to leave Jihyo's side, even after Nayeon tells her that she's going to die if she stays outside, there are people after them and god damn it, can't she listen to Nayeon for once? Nayeon's hurt _too_ , she and Jihyo have been friends since god knows when but _you don't see me risking my life out here, do you?_

  
The look Sana gives Nayeon is enough for Nayeon to back off with a grumble that Sana is entirely responsible for whatever happens to her. On top of this, Momo gives Nayeon a look to tell her to stop fighting it, because it's clear that Sana would rather die than live without Jihyo now.

 

What is Sana without Jihyo, anyway?

 

None of them try to move the body away from Sana, or maybe even inside where Sana can grieve in private. It will only end in more tears and blood than have already been shed.

 

Tzuyu's still collapsed in a pile on the ground, Chaeyoung gently rubbing circles down her back, the empty pistol in front of her. The quiet Taiwanese girl hasn't said anything since Jihyo took her last breath, only sunk to the ground after her bullets were spent and after she deemed the area to be safe for the time being. She seems to be in some form of shell-shock, eyes glassy and spent.

 

Chaeyoung prays that she doesn't blame herself. None of this is Tzuyu's fault.

 

"Fuck," Nayeon curses, spotting something in the distance, "Walkers. Momo, do you have your-"

 

"No," Momo agonizes, throwing her girlfriend a look. "I'll go back and get it now."

 

Nayeon's eyes widen, and her jaw falls open, "No, don't-" Momo's already taking off in a sprint, her footsteps echoing away from them, and it's too late for Nayeon to say anything.

 

Chaeyoung sees it too, sees the walker standing right in Momo's path, the way the horde had shuffled up to surround them slowly, sees it speed up the moment Momo comes charging to it.

 

Momo has always suffered from night blindness.

 

Nayeon knows this, and she will blame herself for the rest of her life.

 

Because she sees _everything_ , from how Momo rears back in shock when she realizes the zombie in her way, to the high-pitched scream that carves itself a special place in Nayeon's heart, to be replayed in the sleepless nights to come.

 

Nayeon had told Sana to stop grieving over Jihyo, but now, she thinks she understands.

 

Love makes fools of all of us.

 

/

 

_"Momo, don't!"_

 

Ah, this feels like a dream.

 

_"Momo!"_

Her right leg falters, again.

 

She feels teeth sink into her shoulder like a heated knife into ice, feels the simultaneous burn and chill of it, as it twists and brands itself into her skin.

 

She'll never be the same again. Not for the rest of her very much shortened, effectively ruined life.

 

Who knew?

 

**_"Momo!"_ **


	5. unbecoming

"You know I'll hate you even more if you turn, right?" Nayeon smiles mirthlessly, watching Momo's chest rise and fall slowly. She's bled through the bandages hastily bound around her shoulder, Nayeon can smell the festering flesh.

 

Her balled fist trembles in her lap, seemingly itching for the grip of the pistol mere inches from her. Momo doesn't see it, though. Dahyun was quick to put her under with a drug Nayeon declined to know the components of. Dahyun is nice, and Dahyun slowed the process of turning in Momo by a long shot, wrapping up the wound with stained and reused bandages and snipping the medical tape cleanly, to give the illusion that everything would be fine.

 

She doesn't need illusions right now, not with the truth staring her in the face, blinding through her eyelids when she tries to shut her eyes.

 

_Dahyun will finish the cure in time._

 

_Momo will not turn._

 

True or false?

 

"God. Fuck, I should never have let you go. Fuck."

 

/

 

Dahyun throws herself completely into her work, her situation not being helped by the fact that Nayeon is practically breathing down her neck with urgency. It's been half a day since Momo was bitten - half a day too long. The girl is still unconscious, but Dahyun knows it's stolen time.

 

Fate always finds a way to even the score.

 

It's hard not to think about anything as she forces her eyelids open, willing them to just stay agape and burn while they're in contact with the open air. She's tired, exhausted, in fact, every movement weighing down on her heart and actions.

  
Sana hasn't spoken to Dahyun since Jihyo died, opting to spend her time with their leader's still body (Nayeon will ask her to stop soon, she's sure), and selfish as it may be, Dahyun just wishes she would. Sana has always confided in Dahyun when she felt down, and it feels strange not to have her by her side now. Dahyun will give her time, of course. She's always been forgiving like that.

 

/

 

"I'm sorry," Tzuyu utters, dropping her head.

  
Sana raises her head up at Tzuyu, and gives her a look of disgust. It's dark and raw and unadulterated, and Tzuyu has to take a step back with how strongly Sana radiates fury. Her hair is a mess, and she's been crying almost continuously for the past twelve hours, but her eyes are twin pools of destruction as they size Tzuyu up.

 

"Sana, I really am sorry-"

 

"Get lost before I smash your face in."

 

/

 

" _I_ killed her, Chaeyoung," Tzuyu whimpers, pressing herself into Chaeyoung's small body. Chaeyoung's arms are wrapped around her, anchoring her so she remains earthly, but it's so damn _difficult_ when she's thinking of Jihyo. Jihyo with that arrow digging into her eye and brain, Jihyo losing control of herself and dying in the most unbefitting, disgraceful manner possible, Jihyo whose death could've been circumvented if Tzuyu had reacted earlier.  
  
That arrow could've flown wide, if Tzuyu hadn't stopped Jihyo to ask her about whether she wanted to go back inside, or maybe if she hadn't spent so long scrutinizing her face.  
  
Death is one thing - it's unpreventable, and Tzuyu knows that, having watched the initial stages of the apocalypse unfold with millions of people around her falling to the walkers. This - _this_ was a folly on her part, something that would've been averted if only she'd been better.

 

Jihyo is dead, and Sana hates her. So, so much.

 

"She doesn't hate you," Chaeyoung says gently, but Chaeyoung is too good for this world.

 

She cries into Chaeyoung's shoulder, deep gasping sobs that Chaeyoung's never heard anyone let out, her tears soaking dark the fabric of Chaeyoung's shirt.

 

/

 

One of Momo's dreams goes like this: Her leg is healed - like nothing ever happened. She's running, faster than she ever has before, watching the scenery blur.

 

Nayeon is waiting at the finishing line for her, grinning and saying, _I knew you could. I always knew, you big dumb idiot._ She knuckles Momo's head and laughs at Momo for ever doubting herself.

 

Momo is happy.

 

/

 

Jeongyeon jogs in, sweat beading across her forehead as she pants lightly, hands on her knees. She looks like the incarnate of Death herself, flopping onto the floor in exertion. She's covered with blood, and Mina is about to seize up and call Dahyun over to help Jeongyeon when she realizes that it isn't her own.

 

"They came," Jeongyeon growls, eyes dark and disgusted. "I spotted them early, and it was only two of them, so I picked one off beforehand. The other one..." She shakes her head, face scrunched up. "Tried to attack Sana."

 

War... War never changes.  
  
She doesn't divulge more details, and Mina doesn't care to ask, simply offering her a sympathetic nod.

 

/

 

Jihyo is buried, and Sana says nothing when they lower her into the unceremonious grave Tzuyu and Chaeyoung dug, only cries onto Dahyun's shoulder before excusing herself. Nayeon and Jeongyeon, meanwhile, try their best to look unaffected, but no one misses the way they cry together when they think no one else is looking.

 

/

 

Momo's eyes flutter open at dusk.

 

It's been twenty-four hours since she was bitten. She feels hazy, confused, her head encased in a block of molasses, as if she's wading through a thick fog that's determined not to let up. Her vision is swirling, black and white fading in and out, and her teeth ache with an age-old pain.

 

She hears movement beside her, turns her head to watch a figure bob nervously. She can smell the fear radiating off Nayeon, and can't focus on anything but the fact that her teeth are positively _aching_.

 

Saliva pools in her mouth, and Momo almost growls, honest to goodness growls.

 

It's not her and it scares her with how animalistic she sounds, with how the fear Nayeon's giving off thickens.

 

"God, please, no," Nayeon is muttering, and then Momo hears the shotgun being cocked. "Moguri, please."

 

_Please._

Momo's vision clears in an instant.

 

"Nayeon," she gasps, feeling like she's just surfaced from the depths of the ocean. "What's going on?"

 

The smell - Nayeon's scent - fades, and Momo glares up at Nayeon, heart tensing as she spots Nayeon's shotgun by her side. This scene feels familiar, like the one from so long ago, when they thought Jeongyeon had been infected, when Momo walked in on Nayeon leaning her forehead against Jeongyeon's sleeping figure, small sobs wracking her body as her gun lay on the ground beside her feet.

 

They'd thought that Jeongyeon was infected because she had a few scratches from an altercation with some walkers. It wasn't a definite thing, and Momo remembers thinking that it was unlikely for Jeongyeon to be in any real danger.

 

She groans heavily, settling back on the mattress with a heavy thump when her shoulder creaks warningly. The pain is so bad it feels like it's burning into Momo's skin - she can see green and red beneath the bandages, and wonders what's gone wrong.

 

"You're going to turn," Nayeon says mirthlessly, and the way she says it turns Momo's blood to ice. She's so matter-of-fact, as if all the tears she'd had to shed have already fallen.

 

It's not even the first time Momo has seen her like this - she knows Nayeon better than the back of her hand, knows that Nayeon doesn't sugarcoat things when she speaks. Nayeon is reliable, and Nayeon is more of a leader than Jihyo is ( _was_ ) sometimes, taking the reins and leading all of them through thick and thin. It scares Momo how much she trusts Nayeon, from the time she jumped into a crowd of walkers because Nayeon told her to, so that Nayeon could set off a series of traps that killed all the walkers. She knows how wrong things could've gone if Nayeon hadn't lived up to her promise, if she faltered, but Nayeon had been so clear with her instructions that Momo couldn't disobey.

 

Not that she wanted to, because Momo has never doubted Nayeon, not even for a moment, but now, she prays to every deity that she can find the power to. That Nayeon can find the strength in her to back down.

 

The pain in her jaws and shoulder throbs at the same time, and Momo arches off the bed, tasting blood in her mouth. Nayeon takes in a sharp breath, snatching up her shotgun. It's pointed in between Momo's eyes within a fraction of a second, Nayeon sizing her up dangerously. Her eyes are narrowed, finger ready to pull the trigger.

  
Momo only whispers Nayeon's name in a pained whimper before her back arches again. The most painful of electric shocks is arcing up her spine, down her limbs, and Momo whines in agony when the tips of her fingers split in fleshy bulbs, blood drippling down her hand, bone peeking through.

  
Nayeon stumbles away from her, and Momo shakes her head frantically.

 

"Don't shoot, please," she hisses, the next jab of pain in her knees drawing a blood-curdling scream from her. Nayeon's caught between pulling the trigger and ending whatever's happening in front of her, what she _knows_ is the first stage of Momo turning, and letting the love of her life stay alive.

 

Both of them know what she wants to do more than anything. Nayeon's breathing is shaky, but she murmurs Momo's name softly, as if she's beckoning to a limping puppy to come closer and trust her.

  
"I won't," Nayeon says quietly, her voice trembling. She's pressed against the door of the barn, near where Chaeyoung and Dahyun's backpacks are, her shotgun still hefted in her arms. "But I won't hesitate to shoot wh- _if_ you turn."

 

The sharpened bone peeking out of Momo's fingers is a slap in the face to Nayeon's words. Momo forces a crooked smile, feeling her heart break more than it already had. The end is almost here.

 

"I don't want to die," Momo says simply.

 

"I don't want to kill you," Nayeon replies, blinking hard, and Momo thinks she sees tears.

 

/

 

"Dahyun," Nayeon snaps, "Please. I need you to hurry up."  
  
Dahyun had been surprised when Nayeon had broken into her workspace, making her lose her concentration and demanding Dahyun's attention. She'd thought that she'd be with Momo all this while, but it seems that staying with Momo isn't enough.

 

Deep down, Dahyun doesn't think that she can do it in time, especially not with Momo showing signs of already turning. She keeps going, of course, but that's just because Nayeon is fearful and forceful and determined to save Momo. She won't be able to do it, but she'd rather keep going than let Momo down - and worse, face Nayeon's wrath.

 

"I'm trying," Dahyun sighs, but Nayeon looks unimpressed.

"I'm sorry, but I need you to try _harder_ ," Nayeon growls, storming off.

 

Mina looks at Dahyun sympathetically, uttering softly that she should fight back against Nayeon, but Dahyun shakes her head.

 

"It's not Nayeon's fault."

  
"She doesn't have the right to treat you like this," Mina insists darkly, crossing her arms.  
  
"Nayeon's like that," Dahyun repeats, "You'd be like that too, if Jeongyeon was turning."

 

/

 

It has been thirty-six hours since Momo was bitten, but Tzuyu and Chaeyoung are further away from the epicentre of the quake than anyone else.

  
The pond they're sitting by is stagnant and dead, decapitated and rotting corpses floating up on the top, staining the water brown and green. Of course, the sound of wildlife is absent, but Chaeyoung still finds herself unnerved by that. Sometimes, it feels like the apocalypse never happened, and she's just here because Tzuyu wants to bring her out to chat.

 

 _Choose to be happy_ , Sana had chirped to her once, not too long after they'd met at Daejeon station. Chaeyoung's memory is fuzzy, but Sana had gone on to tell Chaeyoung how _it's not events, but people and our own choices that make us happy. Really happy._

 

Chaeyoung thinks that the converse must be the same, because the Sana of the present is nothing like that Sana, who gave her advice and philosophy on happiness. It's such a shame, that things had to start and end like this. It's difficult not to get attached, especially in the apocalypse, where any day could be your last.

 

Everyone succumbs to the draw of having someone to love, and Sana fell for the wrong woman.

 

Chaeyoung strokes her thumb over the back of Tzuyu's fist, looking down between them where their fingers are interlaced.

 

_You make me happy._

 

She would rather love now than never know what it's like to be with Tzuyu. Tzuyu is a gentle giant, preferring to let her actions speak over actual words. Which is why when she'd suggested going down somewhere quiet so that they could have time alone, Chaeyoung had readily agreed. Nayeon and Jeongyeon and Jihyo would never stand for this, but they're occupied at the moment.

 

Chaeyoung sighs. Jihyo's death set off a chain of events that'll ultimately lead to the downfall of their group, and Chaeyoung hates the thought of it, of losing her family.

  
"What's bothering you?"

 

She shakes her head, "It's nothing. It's just that-" She stops herself, suddenly self conscious.

 

Tzuyu's eyes urge her to go on, earnest and eager. Chaeyoung could fall into them forever.

 

"I'll miss all of you," she breathes. "So much. What am I going to do when we all have to go our separate ways? I don't think Nayeon will want to remain a group after Momo..." She pauses, assessing Tzuyu's acknowledgement, relieved when Tzuyu nods along. The subject of Momo is touchy right now, but everyone knows that the cure won't come in time. Momo is going to turn, and Nayeon has put herself up to the task of her execution when it happens. "It's going to be hard alone."

 

"You won't be alone," Tzuyu insists, "You have me."

  
"We can go back to Seoul," Chaeyoung says sadly, and Tzuyu's eyebrows rise. "The trains don't work any more, but we could make it if we travelled by foot. It would take time, but we have all the time in the world now, right?"

  
Tzuyu nods, smiling affectionately. It strikes a pang in Chaeyoung's heart. "Anything."

 

/

 

Forty hours.

 

Nayeon's been talking since daybreak, even through the periods where Momo is flat against the bed asleep, or arching off it and crying in pain. She pauses when Momo is screaming for her to help her, only looking away and trying to make her feel better by whispering softly how brave she is, how good she is, how sorry Nayeon is for causing this. She could be alive if Nayeon hadn't let her run back to get the gun, but she just had to. (This melts into Nayeon on the brink of tears, so she changes the subject.)

  
She speaks of everything they've gone through together, how Nayeon'd loved her from the first time they met, when Sana had dragged her into Nayeon's family house after she'd stepped in the bear trap. (She throws in a little joke about how she'd scratched up the hardwood floors, because Sana is weaker than she lets in on and Momo is a big eater, but it's comedy to an empty room.) Yeah, she'd thought that Momo was a little too shy, but she'd wanted to protect her, make sure she could contribute to the group in any way she could.

 

"You were amazing, when you first handled the pistol," Nayeon admits, chuckling, "Gave me a run for my money."

 

She talks about the first time they slept together, after Momo let her into her room when Sana was with Jihyo for the night, how Nayeon had felt seeing her cry because of her fear of inadequacy, how it had felt when Momo pressed herself up against Nayeon. It had been a culmination of the sparks that had flown between them from the first time they'd met, and Nayeon tells a sleeping Momo that Momo really is good in the sack. Better than anyone else she's ever had.

  
What if, Nayeon muses, they'd met before the apocalypse? In an alternate universe where it didn't even happen, perhaps. Would they get along as well as they do now? Would they have fallen for each other as quickly and intensely as they did here? What type of people would they have been? Next door neighbours, maybe, or celebrities who'd meet on the red carpet and hit it off immediately? Classmates?

 

Momo's always been a sap, and Nayeon cries when she recalls how Momo once told her about her theory that no matter which universe they exist in, they end up with each other.

 

"I think I'd like that, being with you in another world."

 

She keeps quiet when her mouth and eyes dry, when there is nothing left to do but watch the uneven rise and fall of Momo's chest and think about the end of her world. Momo needs all the peace and quiet she can get.

 

/

 

Mina slips from Jeongyeon's embrace when Jeongyeon's breathing evens, peeling away Jeongyeon's strong arms from around her waist. Night has fallen, but Mina feels more alive than ever.

 

Tonight, like she'd planned to, she goes to see Dahyun.

 

"I'm sorry," Dahyun says when Mina enters, "I can't do it."

  
"I don't blame you," and Dahyun turns around in surprise, smiling gratefully at Mina's presence. The medical student looks like she's been stretched to her very limits - Mina wonders if it's tiredness or tears that are the cause for the redness around Dahyun's eyes.

"Mina."

 

Mina steps closer, letting Dahyun pull her into an embrace. Dahyun's body is slender and stretched out and not nearly as comfortable to hold as Jeongyeon's is, but Mina stays in the embrace, rubbing comforting circles into Dahyun's back. Dahyun sighs into Mina's chest, and Mina shivers.

 

(Fuck, she's getting soft.)

 

"Mina," Dahyun repeats, her eyelids fluttering, and Mina can only think of Jeongyeon before Dahyun pulls her close.

 

They stare each other down, lips so close they might touch, so close Mina could just close the distance between them. She feels Dahyun's warm breath on her lip, licks her lips. She's entranced by the sight of Dahyun, her lips slightly parted, red, Mina wonders what it'd be like to make the red even brighter.

 

Dahyun goes in to kiss her, and Mina rears away sharply.

 

The magic of the moment is lost, an upset whine spilling from Dahyun's lips before she seems to realize what she just tried to do. Her eyes widen, hands coming out in front of her to create distance between the two of them, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

 

The door of the compartment flies open, "Dahyun!"

 

Nayeon's shaking, not even bothering to look at the two of them and their compromising position before she dashes towards Dahyun. "Dahyun. Tell me you have the cure, _please_."  
  
"I-" Dahyun's eyes flick to Mina's, and she shakes her head. She's not going to bear the news to Nayeon for her. "No. I don't."

 

"Momo's turning," Nayeon says raggedly, "And you're not going to be able to reverse it?"

 

"No," Dahyun repeats, hands balled into fists, eyes downcast in shame. The tension is palpable. "I'm sorry."

 

/

 

Everything is so much worse than Nayeon could ever have expected. It had to come sometime, the inevitable moment-- but Nayeon never thought that it would be _here_.  
  
How do you shoot the love of your life the same callous way you shoot zombies?

 

Momo's shaking, her gums breaking to form sharp fangs dripping with venom. Most of her skin has been overcome with an impossibly thick green moss, congregating at her shoulder, and Nayeon can hardly stand the stench. It's fierce and comes off in waves off Momo, but she can't find it in herself to raise her gun and fire.

 

_Aim. Shoot. Fire. Do it. You have to._

Momo looks at her helplessly, bucking off the bed, willing herself to rise. The turning isn't finished yet, but Nayeon knows that right now, liquid strength is flowing into Momo's blood slowly but steadily, and that this strength will allow Momo to function like a true member of the undead in minutes.

 

She hears bones breaking and twisting, giving way to the monster Nayeon has spent the past year mowing down. Her shotgun feels icy in her hands, and she wonders how she will do it. Will she even do it? Or will she let Momo bite her, too, and put the rest of the group in danger?

 

That isn't an option. She would never do that.

  
Which leaves the only other possibility.

  
"I'm so sorry," Nayeon hiccups, wiping away tears as she comes closer to Nayeon. Momo, with all the delirous pain she's in right now, seems to know, and stretches her neck to stare at Nayeon. She's jerking, her movements definitely uncomfortable and excruciating, but she still finds time to stare at Nayeon like she's the last thing she ever wants to see.

 

Nayeon _will_ be the last thing she ever sees, Nayeon thinks, and almost sobs when she realizes her last memory will be of a barrel pointed at her face.

 

"I'll live for you," Nayeon promises, "I'll do so much for you. I'll do everything you ever wanted to do, yeah? Run fast?" Momo makes a strangled sound of assent. Nayeon looks at Momo's right leg, the leg that had been the source of so much of Momo's insecurity, the right leg that's twisting and forming itself into something positively demonic now. "I'll run until I collapse."

 

Deep in her chest, Momo makes a choked sound, one that Nayeon recognizes as belonging to a walker.

 

She lifts her gun, her heart palpitating.

 

"I...love...you..." Momo croaks through her misshapen and now fang-filled mouth, tears spilling from her eyes. Her eyes are cloudy, the last vestiges of humanity giving way to the undead virus beneath.

 

"I love you too," Nayeon whispers, and pulls the trigger.

 

/

 

Jeongyeon leaves the moment she hears about Momo. She comes to Nayeon and helps her carry Momo's still body outside, where they dig a pit and bury her alongside Jihyo. She helps fashion a marker for Momo's grave, just like Chaeyoung did for Jihyo, and pulls a plank of wood to scratch her name on it. She writes her name in Momo's native language, too, with the shaky kanji and hiragana she can remember from classes she took in high school.

 

Nayeon nods at her when she's done, sitting cross-legged beside Momo's grave, and Jeongyeon tells her not to worry about it. It's the least she can do.

  
Slowly, surely, they make amends.

 

/

 

Dahyun finishes the cure seventy-two hours after Momo was bitten. That's twenty-six hours too late for Nayeon to forgive her.

  
There is no celebration when it is done, when the vial glows brightly with misplaced hope and delayed happiness. She corks it, staring at it and putting it away in her pouch before falling asleep at her workstation.

  
She dreams of Sana, and Momo, and Jihyo, people she's lost no amount of medical expertise can bring back.  
  
Sure, the cure is complete, but what use is it?

 

/

 

Mina isn't a monster.

 

She grasps the vial tightly between her palms, running her thumb over the cork stopper. The liquid inside is glowing with a strange, unearthly light, and Mina feels dizzy with the power entrusted within, with what it means for her and Jeongyeon.

 

_Jeongyeon!_

 

She thinks of how happy Jeongyeon will be when Mina tells her that she has the cure. Jeongyeon won't understand why Mina had to steal it from Dahyun, and might even get angry with her, because that's just how Jeongyeon is, but in time, her confusion will give way to acceptance.

 

After all, it's all for the best. Mina isn't doing anything bad.

 

She's planned this for a while, now, and would've taken the cure from Dahyun no matter what, but Jihyo's untimely death only accelerates this. She can sense the fabric of their group ripping apart with the loss of their leader, with Momo being bitten, with even Sana keening, refusing to speak to anyone else, and it will be easy to slip away, out of sight, out of mind, with the one thing Momo needed to save her.

 

She isn't a monster.

 

"What are you doing?"

/

 

Sana, for how bubbly and bright she's always been, disappears in the middle of the night. No one sees her, the only sign of her absence in the morning being a missing bag in the pile by the door and an empty space where the heart of their group used to be.

 

(It died with Jihyo, but it sinks deeper into hell with Sana's departure.)

 

/

 

"Leave." Mina has never seen Nayeon this angry, but now she's shaking, holding up a trembling finger to point in Mina's face. "Get lost. We don't need you around any more."

 

 _What 'we'?_ Mina wants to ask, but how cruel would that be?

 

"Who are you defending any more?" Mina asks softly. Nayeon's eyes are glazing over with tears now as Mina speaks. "Jihyo's dead. Momo's turned. They were the only people you cared about and now-"  
  
"Just fucking go!" Nayeon shrieks, making a sound Mina never thought possible. She shrinks as she cries, sinking to the ground, on her knees, practically keening. They'd thought that the tears were over, that Nayeon had collected herself, but perhaps she might never get over this.

 

"Please," Nayeon sobs, voice lowering, "Just go."

 

Jeongyeon tries to speak, reaching out for her best friend, "Nayeon-"

 

Nayeon gives her a long, long look, and the expression on her face is conflicted, as if she doesn't know what to say to Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon prays she remembers what they've been through together, that she'll let Jeongyeon stay. Jeongyeon wants to be with Mina, but Nayeon's trust and acceptance is something she never wants to lose. Something that she's coming too close to losing, now.

 

The moment passes, and Nayeon is saying, "You too."

 

"I'm s-"

  
"Don't apologize," comes the reply. "Please just go."

 

Jeongyeon nods, steps away from Nayeon and obeys her words. She knows that every member of her group is just a reminder of Momo, and that Nayeon no longer wants anything to do with any of them. As hard as it may be, she must accept it. Anything so that Nayeon can find the closure she needs.

 

Mina is nowhere as understanding, and Jeongyeon stiffens when she speaks.

 

"You have no right to act like this," Mina says.

 

(Jeongyeon wonders what Nayeon has seen of Mina that she hasn't, if any of this is worth it. She thinks she knows the truth.)

"I mean what I said," Nayeon says, the fire in her eyes returning. "Leave, and never, ever come back."

 

/

 

Dahyun leaves with Chaeyoung and Tzuyu to Seoul in the morning, and Chaeyoung is kind enough to extend the invitation to Nayeon, knowing that it's just empty words. Nayeon needs to be alone, but she appreciates the sentiment, wishing all three of them well before they set off. Chaeyoung tells her to come and find them at Chaeyoung's old family home if she ever feels like reuniting, and Nayeon nods.

 

She wonders if all three of them will survive the trip to Seoul, if Chaeyoung will ever see the light of her hometown. It is an unforgiving landscape, and she earnestly prays that they'll make it there in one piece. One thing is for certain - this is the last time they will ever see each other, so Nayeon is sure to spend the last hour before they leave chatting with them.

 

(She wishes she told Dahyun when the younger girl was falling hard for Sana, that Sana never had eyes for anyone but Jihyo. She wishes she spoke to Tzuyu more, because she is dependable and kind-hearted and fiercely protective of Chaeyoung. She wishes Chaeyoung knew how strong she was.)

  
And they're gone without a backward glance, and Nayeon feels impossibly _lonely_.

 

/

 

One of Nayeon's dreams goes like this: At the end of a long, hard day, fraught with everyone being dumb, trying to make light of a situation that is anything but, and just stay alive - a day she isn't even sure she might survive because the post-apocalyptic life is hazardous like that, she comes home to Momo.

No frills, just the two of them, Nayeon digging her elbow into Momo's rib when Momo makes a dumb joke about how cute Nayeon looks today. (Nayeon knows she doesn't look cute, the air is too dry for her to look anywhere near decent, but Momo loves her anyway.) They go home.

 

Together.

 

( _I think I'd like that_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, this was such a joy to write. it's one of the first chaptered things i've written in a while, and i'm so so happy with this! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did. :)


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